Wednesday, October 20, 2010

An Update from the New Mommy!!!

I can't explain just how in love I am with my son, Ryder. He arrived earlier than I ever expected. Granted, I was full term (which is anything after 37 weeks), but I thought for sure with my first that I'd have him late.

Ryder was born on September 23, 2010 at 11:34am. He weighed 6 pounds 5 ounces and was 20 inches long. Long and skinny, not a spot of fat on him! He came after a long and exhausting 18 1/2 hours of labor (according to Mama. Doctors say it was 26 1/2 hours long!!).

My water broke in the night, and I woke up to the discovery on September 22 at 9am. I honestly didn't feel it or anything. It didn't fully break, just some of it. I wasn't sure that's what it was, so I lingered around at home and wanted to check and be sure. I kept leaking, so I made the call in to the doctor. Long story short, I was induced and he took his sweet time getting here. Docs count labor as starting at 9am when I woke up to the broken water. I count it as starting with the induction, because I wasn't dilated and I wasn't contracting until they induced me.

I've been recovering at Mom and Dad's because for 6 weeks I'm not supposed to handle anything weighing over 15 pounds. So I can't take care of my dog (like letting him outside to go to the bathroom, etc). They also don't allow me to do laundry, vacuum, or anything strenuous. So it's just easier to be at Mom's where I have help. Siblings can take Pharaoh out for me, and Mom actually got up with me in the first few nights when he was crying and I needed to sleep. The first few nights of Ryder's life I honestly didn't sleep much at all. But I've gotten better.

I am currently trying to break him of the habit of sleeping with me. If he has been fed, changed, and doesn't have any gas issues he will sleep on his own just fine. If he is hungry, wet or stinky, or is having lots of gas issues, he will only sleep with me. At home, he has his own crib and Pharaoh sleeps with me in my bed. So I want Pharaoh to still be able to sleep in bed with me, meaning Ryder needs to be in his crib.

Pharaoh was very overwhelmed with the baby at first. He didn't know what it was. And I came back from the hospital, after being gone 3 days, and he probably expected a huge production like I always do. Loving on him, babying him, playing and cuddling with him... but I was holding this tiny little thing and yelled at him less than 5mins after arriving because he jumped up trying to see him. So he was depressed and not too happy with me at first. He would physically turn his whole body away anytime I'd try and cuddle with him or give him affection. But now we cuddle and he has learned that he can't jump up. I think he still has confusion issues with the baby, but overall he does LOADS better. I can't wait to see Ryder grow up and love Pharaoh as much as I do, and I can't wait to see how protective Pharaoh gets over Ryder as he grows up and gets bigger! I have my 2 wonderful, beautiful boys and honestly, that's all I need...

Saturday, September 11, 2010

This Is It!!

Today is my baby shower!!!

I was told by my sister that I was not allowed to go to the house until 5 when everyone else showed up so all the decorations would be a surprise for me. Soooooo here I sit trying to pass the time until then. My poor puppy is bored out of his mind. We're watching Michael Jackson's This Is It for now. I have a couple corn dogs cooking in the oven. It was the only thing that sounded KINDA good lol. That and a nectarine, which I already ate. I just know the food tonight will be so awesome so all of what I have just sounds "okay" ha ha.

I still have to shower and all that. Not sure how I'll do my hair because I'm not sure when the rain is supposed to hit. We'll see.

OMG now Michael is singing I'll Be There... here come the tears. Seriously this song is just the prettiest song ever. Never hurts knowing I have someone in my life that'll be there for me as well :) I think I'm gonna rewind and re-watch it :)

No idea what movie I'll play next. But probably something Pharaoh gets into. He loves all movies with dogs it seems. Right now he's a lazy blob on the couch ha ha. Although when the corn dogs are done I'm sure he'll perk up hoping to get some!

Anyway. I should probably head outta here. Hoping to make the next 4 1/2 hours pass more quickly! We'll see how it works!

Friday, August 13, 2010


It's been forever since I've updated, and I keep getting reminded of that ;) Sooooo I figured I'd post something really quick this morning.

I'm still alive. Doing okay... overall. I still have my days, but it's not like it used to be when Will and I first broke up. Sometimes in break ups I wind up missing other exes too, not just the most recent ex, and I've had a little bit of that going on too. People I hadn't thought about for years are suddenly on my mind and I'm wondering what they're up to these days. Of course I'd never get back together when any of them. But I do still think about them.

My biggest problem lately has been money. But then again who's biggest issue in life ISN'T money? I'm taking it one day at a time and trying to remember to keep breathing and pressing on.

I am 8 months pregnant today. Won't do anything big or fun to celebrate, but I'm getting closer. The closer I get the more scared I get about things. But I know I'll be a good mom and everything will be okay. There's just so much stuff I'm in for and I know I can't expect it all. It's going to be a lot of learning on my part and teaching on the parts of my mom and aunts.

I still haven't talked to Will about the baby's name and that's been weighing pretty heavily on my mind. We need to have that talk. But, then again, it's not my fault that he never wants to meet up and talk. Maybe now that he's on his good days it'll be different. But the past few weeks were his bad days, and I don't know that I've ever seen him that bad. It's upsetting but frustrating at the same time. It's like for God's sake just go get on something so you'll be happy!!! But... there's no way I can name him William 4th, which I had promised to him. I really really hope he understands where I am coming from with this. But I never know what to expect with him because he's always been so unpredictable. But like I said, he's coming out of his bad days finally so now would be the best time to bring it up because at least now I have the chance of getting a decent reaction out of him. Otherwise I'd just text him about it lol.

Everything is basically the same old same old. I am going to the doctor's every 2 weeks now instead of every 4. I am having issues with being able to get comfortable, and my back is literally always hurting me. I try not to be a complainer though. Yesterday I couldn't really breathe very well but so far so good for today. My whole back hurts today, but I think it's cause I slept on it wrong. I woke up not because I was done sleeping, but rather because I was starving. So I'm going to get off here and eat some cereal and get a shower and everything.

I really don't know what else to write about. So that is my update for now :) I'll try and post more frequently, though me being me, I can't really promise anything. So I'll just stick to promising to try!!!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Nobody Knows It But Me

I was gonna come on here and write about how I've been feeling lately. But then I was driving in my car the other day and this song came on... a song I know very well but hadn't thought about in a long time (I haven't heard it in ages). Since it basically says exactly how I feel, I'll let the song do the talking.

Here are the lyrics in case you'd like to be able to follow along... I put the text in bold that really seems to fit my mood lately.

Nobody Knows It But Me

I pretend that I'm glad you went away
but these four walls close in more every day
And I'm dyin' inside
And nobody knows it but me

Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real, even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say
The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is just a tumblin' down
I can see it so clearly
But you're nowhere around

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad and
I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missin' you
And nobody knows it but me

( one knows)

How blue can I get, you could ask my heart
Just like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn all apart

A million words couldn't say
Just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I'll be lovin' you still

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad and
I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me


Nights are lonely, the days are so sad
(No one knows)
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
(Nobody knows)
And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me

The nights are lonely, the days are so sad and
And I just keep thinkin' about the love that we had
And I'm missing you and nobody knows it but me

Sunday, July 11, 2010


So it's officially less than 3 months until my due date... it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. My boy doesn't have a crib or toys. He doesn't have much that is "his". But I know the baby shower might change that. I really, really hope so anyway!

My sister got on ebay last night and made 2 bids and won them both! So she spent $15 plus shipping, and now the baby has over 50 new clothing items. That will be more than enough to get us through the first 3 months or so. I'm getting really excited but at the same time I'm still terribly nervous too. I don't know what the hell I'm doing... or what to expect... I don't want to do anything wrong... but I will learn I am sure.

My puppy boy turned 2. In just a few weeks we will be celebrating his adoption birthday :)

I am still actively looking for a new job and turning in applications all the time. I have discovered that even if I can only find a minimum wage job, if it is full time, I can pay rent and all my bills. So I'm at a point now where I will literally take ANYTHING. I need to apply at Wal Mart... that would benefit me because I'd get all my bills paid and then get a discount on my groceries and stuff I buy in the store. But there's a place I applied at called Easter Seals and I REALLY want to get in there. But they told me not to call about the job when I turned in my application. Hopefully, I will hear something SOON. I think I can work out daycare and all that if I have to, cause there's assistance programs, and my family will take care of him too. So I do think I can handle this. I just want to make sure my hours are EARLY so I still feel like I have all day and night with my son. Like 6-2 or 7-3 M-F would be cool :) But we'll see.

I go to the doctor's office tomorrow to check for gestational diabetes. Will said he'd let me know today whether or not he can come. They do that test on everyone now, they're not doing it because they think I might have it or anything. Just have to fast and then drink some yucky stuff (I've been told it tastes like VERY sweet pop) and that should be that. Don't think it'll take long but I never know.

Anyway, it's Sunday, so I work at the church nursery today. Need to leave in about a half an hour so I'm gonna sign off of here and get my hair done. Later!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

New Favorite Quote

It depicts almost exactly how I feel to a T.

"I have wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you. Kisses that I thought were special because of your lips and your smile and all your color and life. I used to think that was the real you, when you smiled. But now I know you don't mean any of it... Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight."

-Faye, "That Thing You Do"

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Pharaoh Ramesses

So my 50 pound, 2 year old puppy still believes he is a lap dog. And I am totally okay with that. There's no explaining the love I have for this guy. And I'll let him be my lapdog forever... he has this awesome power of relaxing me and making me feel all better when I'm down. He makes me laugh and perks me up and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Just so everyone knows, he was NOT crushing the baby in this picture. He really isn't that MONSTROUSLY BIG either. It's just that Mom took the pic sitting in the couch cushion next to me, and with her being so close to me it made him appear lots bigger than he is. And like I said, I knew he wasn't hurting anything. Just so you know.

Anyway, my puppy love is almost 2 years old. I can't believe I've had him for 2 years now! I feel so guilty sometimes because I've made bad decisions that have affected him. But he takes it all in stride, just like his mama. It was never my intent to live without him for 6 months when I was dating Jessie. It was never my intent to live without him for 3 months thus far while I'm dating Will. He had initially welcomed Pharaoh with open arms, and then all at once decided he didn't like having him there so I could stay but he could not. This was after I had TOLD Will, I gave him up for one loser already, I'm not doing that again. And here I sit, in that same boat, doing it to him again. It breaks my heart. But the one thing that keeps me okay, is knowing he doesn't hold it against me. He still loves me and always will. He is happy at Mom and Dad's house. He will be just as happy back at my apartment when I get him back and it's just the two of us.

I miss him terribly today. I can't wait for Mom to get off work so I can go over and see him again. He was all about the cuddles last night once he got super sleepy. And I didn't fight it for sure! I love that there's at least ONE man in my life that I can count on for cuddles, and that's him <3. And yeah, I do see Pharaoh as a man... he's more of a man than any of the guys I've ever dated in the past. He has no problem telling it like it is. I know when he's happy, when he's sad, when he's hurt, and when he's pissed. There's no games, no beating around the bush, he lets me know. Guys in the past, not even close.

Anyway, I just felt like bragging about my awesome puppy a bit today. I have more work and most likely another long day ahead of me. I'm already tired just thinking about it. But I will take a breather and relax with him when I'm at Mom's. That will be nice for sure! But for now I'm just thinking about him, missing him, and wanting his cuddles so incredibly bad that I can't even concentrate on the task at hand. So I WILL be getting those later.

Later all.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Ryder Andrew Lane Crismore... it means "Manly Knight From the Lane"... a bit odd maybe, but I love it (when finding name meanings you don't have to put them in exact order, rather you put them in order so they make sense. Ryder means knight, Andrew means manly, and Lane is from the lane). Crismore, if I remember correctly, means "Builder for Christ"... so it's like saying he's a manly knight that works for Christ :) He just happens to be from the lane!

I am so absolutely in love with him and cannot wait until he's here. I know everything will be so worth it in the end when I am holding him in my arms. All the problems I have now, all the pain and hurt that is being inflicted on me... he will make it all okay. No, it's not his "job" to do that, as Dr. Phil would be worried about. But I know when I look down and see my son, I won't regret anything. He will make everything wonderful, and the world be wonderful with him in it.

It dawned on me the other day, that it was June 8th and I had 4 months until my due date. That doesn't seem like very long at all. I am anxious to reach my milestone next week of 24 weeks. That is the age of viability and as long as Ryder is born after that, he has a chance. I don't want him making his grand entrance into this world until October when it's time. But if he had to come early, I wouldn't have to worry about him not making it, and that is such a relief to me.

I love my baby boy. Every kick. Every flutter of movement. Ever jab he takes at my bladder that makes me laugh even though it's really not funny...

I am glad I got to "see" him at the ultrasound. I'm glad to know this little guy is healthy, though I don't think I'll be convinced until I hear it from my doctor himself. The ultrasound tech was a bit flaky if you ask me, and I didn't like the way she did things. But I know they can get in trouble for saying too much and they really aren't supposed to say anything... so I get why she was so quiet and focused on everything. But, I was glad she went back and kept checking for the gender cause she knew I wanted to know. This guy was not being super cooperative but he did let us know eventually that's he's a he!

Today's been incredibly rough on me but I don't feel like getting into that a whole lot really. Oddly enough, the one time people expect me to talk and tell all, I don't really feel like talking. I don't wanna talk about it, and I don't plan on doing anything I don't wanna do. I just wanna deal with things and move on from there. Things will work out, they will be okay, they always are. Talking just isn't something I'm interested in right now.

I think I'm off to bed now. I feel like I could sleep for a whole week I'm so exhausted. So it's time for me to go get started on that :)

Have a good one everyone, later.

PS, in the California judicial election this past Tuesday, JAMES HOSKING WON. Best news EVER. Bye bye Lemkau!!! Hopefully nobody ever has to see or hear from you ever again.

Friday, May 28, 2010


Sorry, this is another rant.

Shut the f*** up Lemkau. Seriously.

"Do you feel guilty?"

OMG!!! How can he say in one breath he loses sleep over this case, then in the next he says that he doesn't feel guilty! She HAD the evidence! It was his JOB to go over the evidence and he failed to do that!

I don't feel sorry for his ass even a little bit. I hope to God he gets voted out. He deserves that.

Hosking, the guy running against Lemkau, was arrested YEARS ago for a very minor offense... and Lemkau pounces on that. He asks if that's the judge the people of California want. Let's see. Someone who did something years ago, or someone who doesn't look over evidence, and lets parents kill their children. EASY CALL IN MY BOOK.

He hasn't f***ing learned a damn thing from this case! In a recent case that went before Lemkau, a woman was petitioning to get visition taken away from her ex husband who was threatening her and the kids. She heard a knock at the door and opened it to find the family dog shot to death at her feet. The phone rings, and on the other end is her ex husband saying the same people that got the dog will come back for her and the kids. So she takes the kids and has to hide in a shelter. Obviously he SAW her answer the door and KNEW when to call her. So he would've been in violation of his restraining order saying he can't go within 100ft or yds (can't remember which) of her house.

She takes him to court seeking supervised or no visitation for the time being. Who do they see? Judge Robert Lemkau. What does he say?

Supervised visits for the younger two kids. But, because the oldest, a 6 year old, had not shown any fear towards her father, he was keeping full unsupervised visitation for her. The attorney says "your honor this is just going to be another Baby Wyatt case..." and with that everyone was called into his chambers. Moments later they come out, and it's no visitation for all 3 kids, and he went ahead and said instead of 100ft the restraining order was now 500ft.


Thank GOD that attorney had the balls to speak up! What I wouldn't have given to have been a fly on the wall in the room when they went in to discuss it. I am sure the attorney was scolded *rolls eyes*.

What a waste of a judge.

What an asshole to keep making HORRIBLE calls. He clearly doesn't have what it takes to hack it. Considering he couldn't handle criminal law... and they didn't know what to do with him, so they put him in FAMILY LAW. What the hell kinda person would make that call??? They should also lose their job as well!

And, just to point out, the news people didn't have it quite right. They refer to Stephen as Katie's husband when they were never married. Also, Stephen said in his emails he'd poison Wyatt. In reality he shot him and then himself. But those were minor flaws in the story, just wanted to keep it accurate for all who watch it.

I can't stand the lies this man tells. And to deny it when people accuse him of lying. His campaign states he is the fair and ethical choice. What is fair or ethical about what he did? Honest to God if I hear him say or see him or his daughter write ONE MORE THING about Minor's Counsel I will go off. Not that this isn't going off. But IF HE HAD GONE OVER THE EVIDENCE MINOR'S COUNSEL WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN NEEDED!!!!

His daughter told me it was Katie's job to authenticate the emails and prove to the courts that they came from Stephen. Sorry, but I didn't know all these investigators out there were wasting their time and people were wasting money on hiring them to look over evidence in criminal cases. Honest to God that was the dumbest thing I have ever read. She goes on and on about how she posts all comments, good and bad... well I told Katie herself about the comments that Heather made to me and Katie flipped. She posted to her never to speak or type her or her son's names ever again. And Heather deleted that comment! Also, I posted another negative one pertaining to the evidence and why he didn't look at it, and it has yet to be approved. All she writes about is Minor's Counsel. Sorry but what good would that do if you have a judge that won't listen to anybody, takes sides, doesn't want to take the time to have a full hearing, and says we'll discuss this all later? What good will it do if the judge doesn't look over evidence that the Minor's Counsel presents him with? Seriously, SHUT UP LEMKAU!

Anxiously awaiting June 8th... Hoping to God that Hosking wins by a landslide.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Aaaaand I'm off!

Today is my day off work :)

I've had an uberly enjoyable day.

Will and I were both up and starting to move around shortly before 10. He asked what we were doing today and I just shrugged and watched tv. After awhile he says he's going into the garage and I was like I thought you wanted to do something. He said he didn't think I was that interested in doing anything. So I said fine and suggested we go eat lunch at the mall. He asked if we could go to Jefferson Pointe instead since it was nice outside (outdoor mall basically). So I said fine and had to get ready...
We walked around the whole vacinity one time and that was enough for me to need to sit down so we decided to get food. I just got pizza and he got a sub from the pizza place. After eating I insisted on looking at the maternity store. After deciding I would never pay $30 for a pair of short shorts, we walked around some more. I asked him if we could get our pic taken in front of the fountain (since he was obviously having such a good day and I'm desperate for pics of him/ us right now) and he agreed! I took two of them. In the one I posted, he was teasing me that my eyes were all squinty because I was trying to look Asian lol. He also teased that he looks like he doesn't even HAVE eyes in that shot! But you can see the fountain :)
After that, we went back to the house and he got a car thing so we could take it to a machine shop. Listening to him and the guy at the shop talk was like trying to follow a conversation going on in Spanish. I can pick out certain words and have an idea basically of what's being said, but I have no clue what ALL is being said. So the car stuff was like I could follow parts of it, but I had no clue what it was, what it does, or what he wants done with it. HA!
We left the machine shop and Will asks if we can go rollerblading. I said sure, because back at my very first doctor appointment he gave me the okay for such activities. Sooooo... we go down by a river and wind up in a park and do a whole loopy thing. It was very downhill and I hated it. Anytime we went downhill I jumped in the grass and walked. We had to walk over a bridge and it was very steep downhill with stairs at the bottom and I was like "F THAT! I'm taking mine off and walking it!" So Will just about dies laughing and takes a pic of me where you can clearly see me holding my blades and walking across the bridge. We went over a second bridge, and I "walked" across it even though I had my rollerblades on. But I was hanging onto the hand rail so tight and walking so slow it took me about 10 minutes to cross. Walking prolly wouldn't have even taken me 10 seconds. So, our comes his phone camera again, and he RECORDS A VIDEO of me walking and hanging on for dear life! At one point I asked if he was recording, he says maybe, and I tell him "DIE!" Ha, it was all in good fun. I pointed out, for anyone who sees it, as I know he will show people, that "I haven't done this since I was 10 and I am 5 months pregnant, I think that may be why I'm a litte rusty". Lol. I seriously thought I'd die when we were done, so he took me to the gas station and we both got slushies. Mine was blue raspberry. Soooooo yummy.
For dinner I'm not sure what we're doing. Either steak or going out again with his friend Mark. We'll see. I almost prefer the steak, but we always have a good time with Mark. Not to mention, last Monday on our regular Monday night routine of getting wings and beer and hanging out, he left and I wrote his number on a piece of paper for the waitress to call or text him, gave his name, number, all that. He said he liked her, I'm here to help people out, so I did what I could to get the ball rolling :) Only he doesn't really KNOW I did it, just suspects I did it cause he saw me tear the paper, and he's been bugging Will about it ever since. So I'm sure that will get brought up and there will be quite a bit of laughter if we hang out.
After I eat I promised to go to Mom's... and then I will come home and call it a night. I don't work until 1:45 tomorrow so I can sleep if I need to, and trust me, I will need to. So I'm gonna go and see what's up and I will write more later on when I get the chance.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Long Days and Long Nights

Last night I made my way to bed around 11:15 which is pretty usual for me on a Sunday night. I tend to stay up longer than I should, enjoying my last few hours/ minutes of the weekend.

At 4am I woke up with killer back pain. It felt like I had a rock under my sheet digging into my back and I was laying right on it. My back just hurt sooooo bad. I moved all around and finally found a comfortable position and it went away. However...

Baby didn't care for the way I was laying then. It seriously would NOT stop moving! It wasn't until 5:30 that I finally fell back to sleep. And I had to be up at 6:15 for work. Grrr. Luckily for me, Livie was totally cool with the idea of a lazy morning today. She cuddled up to me and we watched the shows on the Disney channel and I fell back to sleep from about 8:30 until 10. When I woke up she said "good morning!" and still kinda laid on me. Then the baby kicked and she felt it. She is the first person to feel it from the outside! She was like "What was that Katie!?!" And I said the baby kicked. She said "Oh, whoops!" and that was that. She's a goofball. I've mentioned my baby to her off and on, but I guess she just wasn't expecting to feel it move in my belly. But she's used to feeling Mommy's baby move. So I think she just wasn't expecting it.

Mom and Dad were TOTALLY sweet to me over the weekend. They got my 3 new maternity shirts and a pair of capris. Then i went on Sunday to find a pair of jeans at Target and Mom was with me and she told me to let her get those too! THEN at my Sunday job, a mom came in with all sorts of baby items for me to have and some of it was clothes. So I got 2 more shirts and 2 more pairs of jeans. I think I may get a couple more spaghetti straps/ tanks tops, and maybe 1-2 more pairs of shorts, and I will be all set for the summer, other than a bathing suit and a dress to wear at my brother's wedding.

I only have another hour and 10 minutes left of work today. Will is going to work on my car when I get home, and we will still do our weekly Monday night ritual of going to get wings with friends and coming home to watch our Monday night show lineup (CBS). I will keep sorting/ going through my stuff. It figures that I tell Will I'm moving stuff back to my place and he's back in his way up, fun, excited about life in general days. Far cry from the wanting to leave and hoping he dies days. Last night after work I went to Mom's, then went home and we got Applebee's carside to go, and came home and watched Parenthood until bed. But my sister bought a bunch of baby girl clothes for us, and he kept talking about how our son would be so confused about us putting dresses on him. And she bought some overalls with a heart on the front pocket, and I said that if it's a boy he can still wear those and we can just put a jacket on over it. He said he was actually thinking the same thing. When we were at Applebee's he parked funny and took up 2 spaces, and I was pretending to be a cop writing out his ticket and he told me "oh, but she's pregnant." That was the first time he has acknowledged/ said that since I was like 8 or 9 weeks along (I'm 19 weeks now)!! We used to have a runing gag that we could use my pregnancy as an excuse to get out of everything. But then he said he wasn't acknowledging it and it was a tumor not a baby, and all that other crap that I don't want to go into. I was so totally confused. Then we go to bed, he texts me when he gets up, and he does not have ONE negative thing to say about the way I slept, the noise I made, the alarm going off, nothing. It's really nice.

Don't get me wrong. I am still planning on getting my crap out of there. Most, if not all of it. ASAP. But with my legs hurting when I walk and feeling so sore all the time, him being in a good mood kind of helps because those are slowing me down. And if these are some of our last days/ times together, I'd rather they be good and happy. I just don't get his mood swings. I so wish he could be like this all the time. Then we'd ahve nothing to fight or worry about, and we'd have no reason to be unhappy and wanna break up. The sudden change is just another reminder to me of exactly why I do need to get out of there. He's unstable and unpredictable and it's not healthy. We're both miserable and both say we feel stuck with each other. I did take advantage of the good mood last night. We cuddled, I kissed him over and over again, and he kissed me back. Usually he doesn't. Nothing more than that. I just miss him showing me affection. So it was nice.

But I know Will and I know in another day or two, he will be back to his normal self. Back to the bitching, being angry all the time, and calling our child a tumor. On his bad days he only says he loves me when he leaves for work, and he gives me that quick one arm hug and a half kiss as he goes out the door. That's the only kind of touching we do anymore. So like I said, it was nice to have him cuddling me and kissing me last night... but it's just not enough. If there was some kind of magic pill for him to take that would make him stay like that all the time I'd thank God. We could be the family that we had always talked about being. But, such pills don't exist for him and I'm left with a Dr. Jekyl/ Mr. Hyde boyfriend, while growing our infant inside of me. I need to be with positive, healthy, supportive people, who are that way all that time. Not 10% of the time. That's just not cutting it.

I hate it. I hate that we couldn't work, and our child won't ever know 1 home with 2 parents. I hate this feeling right now... I hate holding on to letting go.

I used to call him my breath of fresh air. Now, he's just the guy who takes up the space next to me on the couch. Never touching, never talking... it's just sad every way I look at it.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Sleepy Head

I am so unbelieveably tired today. I just want to go back to sleep.
I am hopeful that Olivia will take a nap for me after lunch. I was told she might.
If she lays down I am for sure going to sleep. No doubt about that.
I was up late browsing the net, go to bed, and wake up.
Will was being all cuddley and had his head nuzzled by my neck/ shoulders, and had an arm around me like he was holding me. Since he never freaking touches me anymore, I stayed awake for the sole purpose of enjoying the cuddles and being held.
Now I'm enjoying telling him about how wonderful it was :)
I'm guessing tonight will be wings and beer night for the boys. They drag me along and I'm always getting sierra mist. I really need to find a kind of topping for my wings that I actually LIKE. Their barbeque wings taste like sweet and sour sauce lol. I like it, just not on my wings! Then Will and I go home and watch our Monday night shows on CBS (How I Met Your Mother, Rules of Engagement, Big Bang Theory). We record them and come home and watch them because usually the wings and beer last later than 7:30.
It's fun times, but we'll see if I have the energy to go tonight. I'm so lazy right now I almost prefer going out to staying home and having to cook.
I got my school work all done and got my grades. Didn't do AS well as I wanted, or thought, but it's okay I guess. I got a B and a C. The C really surprised me cause all throughout the class I had an A. I know I forgot a couple 10pt message board posts. But I know it wasn't so many that it should've dropped my grade all the way down to a C. But oh well. Can't change it now, just gotta do better next semester. The B I am satisfied with, because I figured I would do worse in that class lol! But I'll take it :)
I am just so glad to be done and not have to worry about school work anymore now til the end of August! It will be so nice having a break, especially since I'm pregnant!
Okay, for now I'm going to take off of here. Livie just won't sit still for two minutes so I need to wake it up, track her down, and get her dressed and all that fun stuff. I will write more later.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Time to rant

In procrastinating my paper, I found Judge Robery Lemkau's daughter's blog. In it, she defends her father for the judgement he made in the Katie Tagle/ Stephen Garcia case. That judge COMPLETELY disrespected Katie and didn't look at the evidence staring him in the face when Katie said Stephen was threatening their 9 month old son Wyatt's life. He forced Katie to hand Wyatt over to Stephen and Stephen refused to give him back, so Katie had to get police involved. She said she was scared of going back to court AGAIN and standing in front of this same judge, and having the same outcome in the end. She didn't know what to do. So the next time Stephen had visitation rights to see Wyatt, she handed Wyatt over. Ten days after that initial court date, Stephen Garcia shot and killed his baby and then shot and killed himself. What did Lemkau say to the press?
"This happened at the worst possible time in my career"-- his seat is up for re-election in June. Sooooo very sorry a dead baby is such an inconvenience to YOU. This judge proved he couldn't handle criminal court cases so they put him in family court! What a bunch of morons!
He and his daughter both say based on the evidence before him, that the decision he made was the right one and they still stand behind it.
Um, I'm sorry. WHAT?
This woman had text messages, email messages (that they claimed couldn't be proven to be written by him. Ever hear of TRACING it!?), a full website where he admits to hitting her, even kicking her in the stomach when she was 9 months pregnant with Wyatt... and phone calls and texts. I've read it myself and it should have been EASY for her to get a restraining order at the very least.
What PISSES ME OFF is not that he made a bad call. I know he's human and mistakes. It's the fact that he disregarded her evidence and CALLED HER A LIAR TO HER FACE!!!!!! He said "my suspicion is that you're lying" multiple times and threatened her that there would be consequences for her lying!!! This after he kept calling her Kathy even AFTER she corrected him and told him her name was Katie. Anytime she went to speak he cut her off and said he was denying her request for supervised visits. Why did he come to the conclusion that she was lying? Oh, because Stephen said she was of course! He says that many times too "He claims it's total fabrication on your part, my suspicion is that you're lying, and I'm denying your request". AssHOLE. THEN the court left a mediation hearing date on the calender between Katie and Stephen, after Stephen killed Wyatt and himself, and Katie knew she'd see Lemkau and wanted to tell him next time listen to both sides cause not everyone lies. He read an apology from a prepared statement! What a douche! He couldn't even say what came to mind and speak from his heart? He said he lost sleep for a week after knowing the tragic outcome. I was in no way involved and probably got more worked up and upset and lost more sleep over it than he did! He is nothing more than an old, shriveled up asshole and I hope to GOD the people of California vote his ass OUT.
This is the complete official transcript from the case:
Read it for yourself.
Nothing makes my blood boil more than to see cases where something could've been done, something SHOULD'VE been done to protect a child, and the people in control did NOTHING. Robert Lemkau, in his ruling, sentenced baby Wyatt to death and practically handed Stephen Garcia the loaded gun himself. He robbed a baby of his life. He robbed a mother of her son. He robbed a 4 year old of his baby brother. He robbed a sick man of the chance to get the help he needed. Seriously. Shame on Lemkau. And I can't wait to see his sick sorry ass voted out of office.
Now that I have calmed down a bit, I believe I can go continue reading his daughter's blog.
Hopefully she won't say anything else so stupid that I'll wanna lash out again.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

This one's for Sarah

My sister keeps telling me I need to update my blog, so here's to you sis! Ha ha. You know I love ya :)

Well yesterday I had another doctor appointment and my baby is developing right on track thus far. I didn't know the cm you measure are supposed to go along with the number of weeks preggo you are. For instance, I was 16 1/2 weeks and I measured 16 1/2 cms, so doc says that was right on track. Another thing... I only gained HALF A POUND between appointments? In a month I ate anything and everything I wanted and only gained half a pound!?! He seemed proud of me for that. My weight must be shifting or something though cause I am definitely bigger in the belly than I was 4 weeks ago. That or I peed everything out of me. I kid you not, I STILL go like 4 times an hour every hour lol.

So Will had his dental work today. He got 2 wisdom teeth pulled and his tongue snipped (born tongue tied, got it fixed). He insisted on keeping his teeth or else he wouldn't be smart anymore. When he was waking up he was trying to talk them into letting him keep some of their tools. I laughed out loud when the receptionist told me that and said yep... that's Will alright... and I went back to the room and just like every other appointment, I get all the directions on how to care for his stuff after the fact. I think it all seems pretty easy enough. Right now we're sitting on the couch, he has an ice pack on his mouth, and is watching the Jackass movies. It's cute. As I type I hear random bursts of laughter and giggles, and then I look up, laugh a second, and go back to my laptop. If he needs something or wants to say something, he writes it down or sends me a text cause talking is extremely painful for him. Earlier he said he felt like he bit his tongue HARD. Now he's saying his whole tongue just kills him. They said in 10 days to 2 weeks he will be completely healed, so I look forward to that. And every now and then I have to get up and get him a new ice pack to replace his "warm" one... ha, he's such a baby. But it's cute. Where would he be without me?

This weekend is Aunt Ann and Uncle Ryan's campground grand opening. I promised to go, but it's all outdoors and they plan on putting me to work, so I said I would only stay a couple hours cause I don't wanna waste my day there. But, now the weather is causing a predicament. They're saying 50-50 chance of thunderstorms and likely storms at night. I'm not gonna go and stand out there in the rain all day. Sorry, not my cup of tea. But they insist it's only a 40 percent chance of rain, and that I need to think positive cause it won't rain... so whatever :)

I think I basically HAVE to go because my other cousin said she put together a whole basket of goodies for me and the baby and I'll feel bad if she drives all this way (5-6 hours), and I'm not there to accept it from her. I won't have that lol. So I will go and see her and get my stuff and leave when I feel like leaving pretty much.

Also, I have to write and submit 4 papers before May 8th for one of my classes. I let them go because my professor doesn't take off for work being turned in late. So I figured wait to the end and do it then. I wanna get it submitted by Sunday, but we'll see if that really happens. I also have a final quiz to take, but I can use my book, so it should be easy. Got 100% on the first one so don't see why I shouldn't on this one too! I will be sooooooooo glad when this semester is over with! Then I can focus all my attention on the baby and everything.

Okay, it's getting late. I have to work early tomorrow so it's time for me to be getting off of here. Hopefully work will be productive and I'll get to play with the lil one, do school work when she sleeps, and get home and do more school work :) That sounds like a good plan to me anyway!

Anywho, like I said, it's late and I'm going to go. Later all!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

!Fun Stuff!

So lately things have been pretty amazing with Will and me.
Night before last we went to Wal-Mart over in Jefferson Pointe. We were in his Jeep, and for those who don't know, the tires on that thing are like as big as me! So it puts us higher up lol. Well, we were stopped at a red light, and Will saw the trees all blooming and everything. He sticks his hand out the window, I hear a tug, and look over thinking "what the heck is he doing???" And the next thing I know he's shoving these pretty flowers in my face lol. He made a cheesy comment about pretty flowers for a pretty girl or something. But it was totally "awww" so I thought I would share.

Yesterday he had to be knocked out for a medical thing he had, and omg the meds him soooo loopy after the fact! On the 29th he has to go in and get knocked out for a dental thing, and I would just laugh if I knew it'd be the same stuff and he would act the same way he did yesterday. He was definitely not shy or modest about anything! His nurse said his stats and everything looked great and he just smiled and got all cocky and was like "of course, everything I do is great!" That's probably not something he would typically say unless he was in a goofy mood lol. He kept going on about how the people were so nice and he wanted to come back every week to get the good medicine all the time lol. He was not happy when they said he couldn't work on his car or do anything that required judgement. He begged them to check his reflexes and said he was fine. The nurse said that's why it was dangerous cause you FEEL fine, but you've been given narcotics and you're not fine lol. He asked if he could take any machinery home with him as a souvenier. They let him have one of his tubes from when he was hooked to the oxygen as sort of a compromise... and like 2 minutes later he sees me holding it and says "what's that for?" LOL. He kept asking if I got to watch any of it, and I had to keep saying no baby I was in the waiting room the whole time...

I had to repeat myself like 50,000 times every few minutes cause he couldn't remember ANYTHING. I felt like I was hanging out with Dory from Finding Nemo lol. It did get old pretty fast, but seeing his suprised reaction to everything like "I said that!?" never really got old lol. He was a bit disappointed that I wouldn't let him drive or work on his cars even after he got up from his nap and said he felt fine. I was like sorry, not gonna do it. I signed papers claiming responsibility for him for the whole day, not just the morning. Sooooo he was sure to get up at like 7:30 this morning, go buy new car parts, and has been in the garage since about 8:00 or 8:30 lol.

It was kind of nice having a goofy Will. He was playing the XBox while I was on my laptop and I had my legs propped up on the coffee table. Of course, this being flip flop weather, I had no socks on. So he kept leaning over and tickling my feet and making me laugh uncontrollably a couple times, which only made him laugh and do it more!

We went and got a pizza around 7 or 7:30 and brought it home and ate it, and I DVR'd Dr. Phil cause it was an episode I had wanted to see for like a month. So we brought the pizza home and watched that. Around 8:30 he reminds me we never got him a lottery ticket, and since I was still refusing to let him drive, he decided we could walk. The gas station is just around the block. So we walked over there and it was really nice. The walk back home was kind of funny (it took less than 5 minutes to walk there and walk home). We cut through a couple allies and I kept joking about Lifetime movies and us being in an ally in the dark was not a good thing.

All in all it was a really enjoyable day. He really doesn't remember anything from before the nap, but he does seem to remember everything from after we woke up around 3:30. He still insists today that he would've been fine to work on his cars lol. Oh well. He has all morning to do it today. He doesn't work til 2:30 so that gives him plenty of time. I will probably go take a shower and head to Mom's early today because I know he won't be leaving that garage anytime soon! And that gives me a chance to hang out with them and get my tax stuff taken care of. Anyway, I think I am off to get all that taken care of. Later!

Friday, April 9, 2010


Okay, so lately, I've been pretty much exhausted. I thought this was supposed to go away in the second trimester. Oh well...
I'm 14 weeks today! There's a lot of debate about when the second trimester starts. Some say 12 weeks, some say 13, and some say 13 weeks and 3 days because it is 40 divided by 3... and still, others say 14. So no matter what way you look at it, I am officially in the second trimester! Really the first one was pretty kind to me compared to things I've heard and all sorts of horror stories I've been told. But, I still get REALLY tired lately.
My baby is now the size of a lemon. He or she can squint, frown, grimace, pee, grasp, and possibly suck his or her thumb! Too precious!
Maybe all these new things are what's making me so tired. Seriously, I had to work an extra half hour today and RACED to the bank to make it in time for the deposit. I found out once at the bank it didn't close for another hour. Oh well. So then I grabbed a couple things to make dinner. I wanted something nice and just haven't been in the mood for the chicken alfredo boxed dinner we have. So tonight I made steak, mashed potatoes, peas, and tropical fruit blend. We like the red things and pick those out specifically. No idea what the heck they are though! They're just good! Instead of peas, Will had pickled beets cause he's gross like that lol.
Tomorrow I am going to the store before Will gets home so that he can have food for lunch before he goes to sleep. He works 11pm-11am so he hasn't been gone long. Then I'll run to my apartment probably and re-sign my lease. After that I'll go to Mom's, probably until he wakes up, then come home and make dinner.
I am paying off Verizon but may wait until mid-week to send them the check.
I want to buy some maternity shorts. Even just one pair will work for now. I'm seriously hot all the time and feel like I'm roasting. Mom says the cure for that is delivery. Grrrr. I'm hoping I'm not miserable all summer cause I know I will only get bigger and hotter! LOL.
I also want to buy an Angelsound doppler. It's like $35 on Amazon I've been told. This would be such great peace of mind for me. I could listen to the little heartbeat whenever I wanted. I also think it would ease my nerves before a doctor's appointment so I don't go all crazy and wonder if everything will be okay. If I listen before I go, I can be sure not to do that, and that will be better for the baby! I'd get all that for just $35 :)
I was watching Dr. G but now I switched it to Roseanne. Oh the fun and exciting times in the life of Katie lol. I think I'll go watch that and sleep some more. Did I mention that I slept from like 8-10:30 and am already tired again? Ha ha. Oh well. At least it's night time. Not only that, but it's the weekend! Not setting my alarm tomorrow! Woohoo!
Night all...

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Here Comes Peter Cottontail...

I am soooooo excited for Easter this year! I really don't know why... I guess I'm just looking forward to seeing everybody :)

I got a new shirt for Easter Sunday to wear in church. Believe it or not, I do still have 2 skirts that fit... so I will wear one of them with it to church. I plan on going even if I have to go alone. But I really doubt I'd have to go alone! Anyway, the shirt is a maternity shirt... my first maternity purchase! Mom has bought me an outfit and I thank her greatly for that. It's the most comfy outfit I own right now! Lol!

Today I woke up, ate waffles, took a shower, did some laundry, and may go to the store in just a little bit. I am going to Mom's to see family that is here from out of town. I wanted to do some running around with them but don't know that I will. May be lazy and stick to the house.

My last appointment went really well. The baby's heartbeat was constantly in the 150s and everything looked good. That's what I like to hear! Now for the whole boy/ girl debate based on heartbeat... I've heard both! I really think it could go either way but I do still feel like it's a boy (would love a girl though). We'll just have to wait another 6-7 weeks and then we can find out for sure! I can't wait!

Okay I really don't have anything else to say. So I will talk to you all later!

Monday, March 29, 2010


I have my second doctor's appointment today. Lots of blood work and listening to the heartbeat again. Will had gotten called into work the night before my last appointment and he had to miss it. This time he gets to go :) I'm pretty stoked about him getting to be there with me. He'll get to hear the heartbeat live for the first time (he saw the video from the first apt). He'll also see and hear everything else the doctor has to say. I really like my doctor. He seems pretty good thus far!

I'm a little nervous about today's appointment just like I was with the last appointment. Everyone I've spoken to says that's normal. Just the mommy instinct kicking in wanting to make sure her kids are okay. I had some leg cramp type feeling yesterday along with lower back pain. I didn't sleep super well the night before and thought it may be related to that, or that it could be any number of things. But I woke up today and feel a hundred percent fine again so I'm not sure it's anything I need to worry about, though I may go ahead and mention it to the doctor today if I remember to.

Let's see, anything else?
Not really.
Pretty much everything about me lately is baby related :)
I wouldn't have it any other way though.

I get off work at 1 today so I can make it across town in time for the appointment. Olivia's aunt is coming over to pick her up, and I keep praying she comes earlier rather than later. I don't want her to be even 5mins late. If she is, I am supposed to call Laura and she will come wait with Livie until her sister gets there. I need every one of those 40 minutes to make it in time. The plan is for me to drive to the house, meet up with Will (should only take 20-25mins), and then right away head out for the doctor appointment, and from there it will only be 10 or so minutes tops. My only reason for concern was that my boss said she told her sister about it before and then she called her again last night to remind her and she said she forgot. So I'm hoping she remembers now! I really just can't afford for her to be late. If I have to, I'll just tell Will to meet me at Home Depot which is RIGHT next to my doctor's office and just drive seperately. But I soo soooooo want to drive together! We'll see though, we'll do what we have to do :)

I'm anxious to hear the heartbeat, and to ask the doc to check and make sure there's only one in there because soooooooooo many people keep saying that I'm having twins cause he was only listening for one heartbeat which is why he never heard the second lol. Twins run in both our families, but I really only want one. But, as long as everyone is healthy... that's really all I care about.

Okay... time for me to get ready to take off and get a move on. Watching Dora with Olivia and may take her for a walk or something if it gets warmer out. If not we'll just play inside and wait for her aunt to get here. 1 o'clock can't come soon enough!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Monday, Monday

Happy Birthday Mama!

Yesterday was Mom's birthday party (she didn't call it a party, I did) and I went over for dinner and cake. I brought her a present too. It was a candle holder that hold three little candles. I got here a few candles for it too :) She really seemed to like it! Makes me glad.

Today has basically moved along like any other Monday. I am soooooooo ready to be home though. I was up later than I wanted to be working on school work. So that cut into my sleepy time and baby and me like our sleep right now lol.

I get off work in just over an hour. Will has a dentist appointment at 3:45 but it won't be long I guess. We are both off work on Wednesday for the first time in ages and ages so we are planning a day trip somewhere, but we aren't sure where yet. We were thinking perhaps Chicago, but via status updates on facebook I found out through friends that Chicago just got snow! We don't want any of that! So we think maybe Indianapolis. We went there way back when... before he and I were even officially a couple. I think this time we would go spend the day at the zoo. It's supposed to be high 50s or low 60s and no rain or anything, so it would be lovely zoo weather!

I have another doctor's appointment one week from today. I will have to miss work for it, because originally I was supposed to be off but work changed my schedule around on me. Soooo I leave at 1 instead of 4 a week from today! Just check up and maybe bloodwork this time. No ultrasound still :( Not til I'm about halfway along unless they think it is necessary for some reason. But things are still going smoothly and I have no reason to suspect that things wouldn't be okay, so yeah. First u/s will be near the end of May, and by then we will be able to tell if it's a boy or girl. I sooo soooooo soooooooooo want to see my baby on that screen!

We've been talking about nursery themes and he can't seem to stop talking about a classic cars theme for a boy. I say no way jose! If my son were to like cars, cool, we'll do a nice, cool, car themed bedroom for him when he's older. When he's young, I want cutesy. Same with a girl, cutesy at first. I found some awesome Dr. Seuss themed nurseries online and want to go that way. When I was a little girl and had to go to the doctor for the seizure stuff, Mom always read One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish to me. So I wanted to work that in there too. We'll see.

I think I'm gonna take it easy for a bit now. One hour to go and I can't wait! Not that I don't love my job, but I just want to sleeeeeep!!! Ha ha! Later.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Can't sleep

I woke up at about 4:30 and struggled for over 45mins to get back to sleep. When I couldn't, I came downstairs to watch tv and decided to listen to music and get on facebook :)

This is my baby's song. I've probably spent the last twenty minutes replaying it over and over. I love it that much... gives me hope for my baby's future and that he or she will grow up in a world that maybe isn't so bad.

For those who don't know, I had my appointment on Wednesday and everything went PERFECTLY. I heard the little guy or girl's heartbeat! The doctor said it sounded perfect. So that was pretty amazing. I go back in in just over 2 weeks. No ultrasound. It wasn't necessary cause I knew there was no way I was wrong about the dates. So we are certain of the due date, which is October 8th.

I hate that Will works all night tonight and tomorrow. Perhaps it'd be a little easier getting back to sleep if he was here for me to cuddle up next to. I get to do the same thing tomorrow night. Fun. Not really, that was sarcasm lol.

Yesterday Will and I had lunch with my brother and sister and we had a great time. It was funny to hear him and Sarah duking it out over whether the baby is going to be a boy or girl. Man, this is going to be a loooooong ten weeks until we find out for sure!

That is us hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I can't get enough of it. I love to watch it and replay it multiple times just to hear that amazing sound.

Okay, this should be a sufficient update for now. I am going to try and entertain the idea of more sleep... if not, then I'll eat some food or something and just watch tv on the couch and doze off and on. Either way, I'll be relaxing and you can't really beat that! Later guys.


Monday, March 8, 2010

It's after midnight...

And I am still awake. Why? Because as I was getting ready for bed, I noticed my large pile of dirty clothes on the floor. If I didn't take them down to the basement and throw them in the washer, then I wouldn't have any clean clothes to wear tomorrow. Soooooo I am waiting for them to finish washing so I can throw them in the dryer, and then I will go to bed. It's okay, I can sleep in, I don't work until 9:45 tomorrow.

I am eager to be done with tomorrow and just get it out of the way. My 9:45-6pm shifts are by far my least favorite. I'd rather wake up earlier, and get to come home earlier. But, oh well. If I can stick it out and get through tomorrow, I will be off on Wednesday and not have to work again until Thursday :)

Plus, I am on spring break. So my usual school work worries are not an issue as of right now!

The baby stuff seeeeems to be going well still. I go in on Wednesday, and am still uberly nervous about this. I want to hear the heartbeat or see the baby via ultrasound if possible. But I will settle for hearing the heartbeat if that's all they can do for me. I just want to know it is all okay and that I'm not doing anything bad that could possibly hurt the baby.

Right now, I'm thinking the washer may have stopped, so I am going to go and check on that. It will interrupt my South Park viewing, but it will also get me into bed sooner! I'm gonna sign outta here and will update later on once I know what's going on with my bun in the oven!

Friday, March 5, 2010

All things Baby...

I am 9 weeks pregnant today! Go me!
Will and I are still getting along very well and he is on board with the whole baby idea and being a dad in October. He is telling everyone he knows "I'm gonna be a daddy :)" It's pretty cute.
We pretty much decided to use the office as the baby room.
We've looked at wallpaper, but nothing too cute yet. He wants a South Park nursery, even refers to the baby as Cartman, but I said no to the South Park nursery, and no to calling the baby Cartman lol.
At 9 weeks, the baby is the size of a strawberry. You may or may not be able to hear the heart beat at a dr. appointment. But you should be able to see the baby and see the heart beat on the screen. I go in for my first appointment on Wednesday (my day off), and Will is coming with me. I am extreeeeeemely nervous about this doctor visit. I want so bad for them to tell me everything looks good, the baby appears to be healthy and developing appropriately, and all is well in the land of mommy and baby. If something is wrong, I have no idea what I'd do. But I'm trying to stay calm and stay positive. They may not even do an ultra sound, but I hope Hope HOPE they do! Nothing would be nicer than getting to see a shot of my beautiful baby all nestled in there. But hearing the heart beat will be pretty amazing too :)
Morning Sickness. Ack. It seems to come and go in waves. I get a few days where I am sick all the time, and then I get a few days where it's gone. But all my other symptoms stick around and there's no cramping/ spotting so I'm not worried about that, I've heard it's normal.
I want to look at baby stuff this weekend. Lots and lots of baby stuff. It would be awesome ha ha. I want to go to Babies R Us sooooo bad but haven't made my way over to that store just yet. I will I'm sure.
I'm tired, allllllllll the time. All I want to do today is sleep, and I am at work for another 6 hours. Plus I have to take my midterm before midnight and submit a paper. I have another class I have to do basically the same thing for by Sunday at midnight. Then it's spriiiiiiiiiiing breeeeeeeak!!! I can't wait for a week of not having to worry about school work!
I'm not sure if I've talked baby names on here yet or not. But we have them. If it's a boy, it will be:
William Richard Vitanyi IV... Liam for short. Such a mouthful! But he wants to carry on his name soooo bad, so I agreed.
For a girl it will be:
Elliana Susan Vitanyi... Ellie for short. My little Ellie Susie :) Honestly I wouldn't mind having a boy. But I soooo kind of want a girl lol. He sooooooo wants a boy though. We'll see what happens in a few months. He HATES that we have to wait nearly 3 full months before the gender can be revealed to us! LOL. It's killing me too, but I am surviving until then by trying to get used to the ideas of both.
I told him when he's teaching our son about cars he can be teaching me at the same time lol.
And he said when she does gymnastics or ice skating or something girlie, he will learn all about THAT at the same time :)
Overall things seem to be on the up and up. I am glad everything is going so well these days. I hope it continues to go this good! Fingers are crossed that they do an ultra sound on Wed and I can come back here and post pics of my little boy or little girl, and that everything is fine.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Almost Always EATING

Okay, so the way I've been feeling is a little contradictory.
I wake up and until about 2pm I feel so nauseated and unable to eat, that I munch on saltines and drink fluids and kinda feel similar to having a bad hangover. I don't actually puke *not yet anyway* but I think those days are numbered. I want to sooooooooo bad just nothing comes out.
Then after 2 it's like a switch gets flipped and I'm suddenly CONSTANTLY hungry!! Like every 10-15 minutes I need a light snack, interrupted by an occasional meal. My meals aren't AS big as they used to be, but I am eating a lot more with all the snacks.

My boyfriend is coming around, somewhat. I am *cautiously* optimistic. After not hearing from him AT ALL on Thursday, I thought for sure I was gonna be in this alone. But then today we had a long, long, long, long talk. By the end of the conversation he was saying he thinks it's a boy, and that if it IS a girl she's gonna be a tomboy but that it's definitely boy. He said he looks forward to telling his brother and "beating" him at something, because his brother is younger but got married before him. Then later, hours later, we were talking again and I mentioned my fears that I have. That I will do something wrong without knowing it and it'll hurt the baby. He kept telling me everything will be fine and to just chill out. He said he is warming up and even getting excited about the idea of having a baby. But he still wants it to be a boy. Honestly if I could have my pick, I would be with Mom and Sarah and want a girl. But, as long as it's healthy...

It does feel better to be talking to Will again. He told me he misses me and loves me and wants me to come home, but I said I still need my time and space right now and he said that is fine, whatever I need. Before the pregnancy we were arguing quite a bit over DUMB stuff, and I felt the need for a break then... so this is sort of a multi purpose break from him. Not that we've broken up, just that we are taking time off from each other and having some much needed alone time. We did talk about the smaller issues too and tried to reach compromises to make those work too. In the best scenario, we'd be able to stay together and make this work. Not for the baby's sake but for us too. We don't want it to be over. He can never unsay the things he said, I was so terribly hurt by the things he said. Hurt for myself and hurt for our baby. But I honestly do believe he's being sincere that it was a lot for him all at once, it was overwhelming, and probably not the best day for me to tell him. But, what's done is done. We are trying to move on but from a distance. The only way I can see this working right now is for us to basically start "dating" again. Instead of me moving right back home and living there all of a sudden again... I think we'd do better if we had lunches and dinners out and were in public and could spend days together before making the jump to being over there ALL the time again.

Unless one of us changes our mind. I'd like to make it work. I do love Will A LOT. I've only ever loved 3 men in my whole life... and two of them already hurt me pretty bad. He's the third and while he did HURT me, we haven't ended it and with work we can maybe fix it. But he has to prove to me that he means what he says and it will take time. Like I said, I'm not rushing into anything just yet. I want us both to be happy and I want this baby to be happy. I want us to be a family, but if that's not possible, the baby and I will do just fine and we will have all the love in the world.

Okay, so basically, other than morning sickness, that's the only problem I'm facing right now really. I am somewhat tired, but not a whole lot more than what is typical for me.

I picked my "pregnancy theme song" and it is One Day by Matisyahu. Will got me turned onto both him and that song. It's the prettiest song ever, and makes me bawl like a baby. It gives me hope for my baby's future to be living in a world that is better than the one we have now. Maybe that won't be the case, but I can at least hope for it.

I am happy things seem to be going so much better. I am anxious to see Will and sit down with him and talk face to face. But, nothing more than that for right now. Like I said, I just want us all to be happy. I know I can be happy without him, but I'd so love to be happy with him. And since he's sounding like he's coming around, I have hope for us to be happy together too. Anyway... I am rambling now and I need to get off of here and go to BED. Night all.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Oh Baby Baby!!

We're having a baby! Not sure if I could be anymore excited!

Would help if the dad was more excited... he may come around, he may not. Either way, the baby and I will be fine. My family is awesome and super supportive! I can't wait to hold my little one and see what he or she looks like. My sister and Mom already refer to it in the female form cause they want it to be a girl sooooo bad. My girl names since high school has been "Elliana" (Ellie- Ah- Na, NOT like Anna lol)... Ellie for short. So they keep calling it Ellie and everything. It's exciting looking at baby stuff now.

Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks. Already nearly 2 months along! My due date is October 8th, so I'm hoping for it to come 2 days late so it'll be 10/10/10 lol. In scoring systems of most sports, a triple ten score was a perfect performance. So a triple 10 will be like a perfect baby. Not that it won't be absolutely perfect regardless of the day he or she is born... but it'd be cool, wouldn't it?

Going to the mall tonight to look at baby stuff. Not buying anything just yet. Little soon for all of that. But, I like to look :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Blog before bedtime

I am unbelieveably exhausted tonight. Will and I are watching Family Guy. I got lots of cuddles in with Pharaoh, but around 11 he was dozing off to sleep so I put him to bed. He's been out like a light since. Marcy is in the kitchen... so it's just Will and me. We're both on our laptops, so not much communication going on here tonight. I think it's just cause I'm so sleepy!

We had Pizza Hut tonight instead of Raimando's. While Raimando's is comparable to Pizza Hut and just as good AND 1/2 the price (you can get a large for $7), they do not have stuffed crust. I am not sure why, but tonight, I just really wanted stuffed crust. So we got that :)

I really don't have a whole lot to talk about. Nothing too big happened at work. The 3 year old I take care of (still getting used to saying she's 3!!) figured out how to lock her bedroom door. Her lock is on the outside of the door... well she figured out how to lock it, but the problem then was that she closed the door behind her!! So she locked herself in her bedroom, starts crying, and I hear screams of "HELP KATIE!!!! HELP!!!" I run upstairs, let her out, and she's all happy right away, but she does it again 2 more times!

We watched Shrek 2, she requested it... when she asks for Shrek, she wants Shrek 1. But sometimes she asks for Shrek cat, and I know she wants Shrek 2. So we watched that and she was almost passed out on the couch so I convinced her to let me change her and take her up to bed and she was out for the rest of the time that I was there.

I'm still waiting on my school money to post to my bank account. The people said they got my paperwork and that it would take up to 3 business days. I am just hoping for sooner rather than later! I neeeeeeeeeed that car!!!

Welp, I think that will about do it for now. Sorry I wasn't more insightful. But, my brain is fried and I think it's time for some shut eye. Later,

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Valentine's Day

Will gave me probably the best Valentine's Day EVER.

We woke up and exchanged cards and gifts right away.

This is what I got. It's a locket that says "I love you" and has a pink flower on it. We got cleaned up and went car searching but all the car places are closed on Sundays (news to us!). We swung through Wendy's for a quick lunch and he took me to work until 5. After 5 we went to Jefferson Pointe and walked around the mall but it was too cold for the outdoor mall! Ha ha we did stop into Barnes and Noble and get some Starbucks (or was it Borders?). Then we went back to the car and just drove around to kill time.
We saw the movie Valentine's Day at 7:30 but got there about 7 thinking it'd be packed but it really wasn't too bad. Good movie, definitely worth seeing if you haven't already. Since we didn't get to do much for a meal, he asked what I was hungry for after the movie and I said wings... so we went to Hooters (I have them in my phone on speed dial so we called to make sure they'd still be open). After Hooters, we went home and I submitted my school work and we went to bed...
He also got me a single peach colored rose, and some chocolates. The card was beyond sweet, talking all about how he's happy and his skies are bluer and dreams are dreamier all when he's with me. His personal note in the card said he was going to write everything the card said word for word but they stole his ideas, so Happy Valentine's Day". It was really cute.
I got him a card and a knife from Dick's Sporting Goods that he had been eye balling. We both stayed in our price range we had set for each other believe it or not!!! It was a little weird knowing ahead of time what I was getting, but the cards were nice and the movie was great and you can't beat wings so all in all it was a GREAT day!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

My Valentine's Day

I am really, really looking forward to Valentine's Day tomorrow :)

Last year was my first Valentine's Day ever where I wasn't single. But, that guy and I had only been together a month and never said I love you to each other, therefore, shopping for his card and all of that was pretty difficult. This year is so different!

This is my first Valentine's Day with someone that I've actually said I love you to. It was still somewhat hard finding a card, because most of them were for "husband", but I did find one that was beyonddddd sweet.

On the front, it is a light gold color, with a glittery white heart. Inside the heart it says "With all my heart". The inside is short and sweet and to the point. It says "If there were nothing else but our love for each other, I would still have all I need. Happy Valentine's Day".

I haven't written his message in there yet, but I will do that tonight or tomorrow. I am really looking forward to tomorrow with Will. Because I am car-less, we had to get our gifts together today :( I was really hoping it could be a suprise for both of us, but oh well I guess. He got me a beautiful silver locket, in the shape of a heart of course, and it has a pink flower and says "I love you" on it. He also let me pick what I wanted flower-wise, and I got a peach-ish colored flower. I just chose one flower instead of a bouquet because I wanted to make it less expensive for him, especially because I wasn't going to spend as much on him. He also got me chocolates.

I got him the card and a knife that he really wanted from Dick's Sporting Goods. It was $29.99 and our limit for each other was $30, but since he went way over, I didn't mind going over just because of tax lol. He's so excited he wanted to open it tonight, but I told him we had to wait until tomorrow. The only thing we don't know about, are the cards. So that's the one suprise I get, and he gets.

I work from 2-5pm tomorrow, and after work we are getting food and going to see Valentine's Day at 7:30pm. I am making him take me :) It is funny because we've been together since Thanksgiving (and dating since mid October), and this will only be our second movie in the theater we've seen together. The first was on New Year's Day, in Pennsylvania with his family, we saw Couples Retreat. Evidently we're chick flick people ;) I won't argue that.

So I'm still beyond stressed about my lack of car. But hopefully sooner rather than later that can all be taken care of. I just want to be able to drive again!!! I miss it!!! I am still going back and forth in my mind about whether to have Will try and fix The Two Toned Baby, or if I should just put her out of her misery and find a new car. Mom pointed out if I invest that money, and Will can't fix it, I will be out that money plus the money I spend on a new car. So I'm thinking about maybe looking, we'll see. I don't wanna go over $1500 if I do get one. We'll see how it all pans out. I do worry if I get a different car that Will might get offended and think I don't think he can do it, when that's not it at all. It just might be time for me to get something else. God I just hope I get another car I can trust, and not one that will crap out on me right away. That will piss me off. I'm leaning more towards getting another car, but it's still somewhat up in the air.

Well, tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me I think. So, I better draw this entry to a close and head to bed... unless the olympics can actually keep my attention. I can't seem to get into it, despite the fact that I've had a major crush on Apollo Anton Ono since I was like 12. Will knows this, and we still watched it lol. It was funny... anyway, I am off of here for now. I will blog sometime tomorrow or Monday to let ya know how VDay went for me. Later!


Friday, February 12, 2010

...I hate the snow... part 2

Will (boyfriend), thought the car probs might be a tie rod. If it were only that easy... it wouldve cost roughly $100 plus labor and towing costs.

Unfortunately, I did damage to the cradle and all parts tire related it sounded like. They told me I was looking at $1,149... when I bought the car 5 years ago, we only paid $1,400. Sooooo I told the car place we wouldn't be needing their services. We will pay the diagnostic fee, the tow fee, and get it towed back to Will's place. He called around and found all the parts I needed for $275 total. He said he has worked on cradles before and has the tools he needs. Will is going to do the work on the car and it should be good as new, hopefully.

Part of me is okay with needing to find a new car, if I would have to. The other part of me, really loves my car and doesn't think her time is up yet. I KNEW I would fill the gas tank and have something bad happen when she had a full tank of gas in her!

This has all made me feel very tired. I'm constantly anxious and on edge. As if I needed these extra money problems!!

I did have an e-mail from my school though, and I thought I'd get $1,500 back from student loan money. I will actually be getting $1,970. So that's good news! That should take care of everything I need to get dealt with and still leave me plenty to have fun with. I just want to be done with all of this now.

I have school work to do, so I should probably go take care of that now. It'd be nice to have it all done and submitted before I get home from work. Will has been my cheufer (sp?) today and I guess he gets to be for the next... however long I'm car-less. That sucks because I still have to get him his Valentine's Day gift.

I hope he knows how much I appreciate all he does for me. He makes me happy and we have so many good things to look forward to. I know things aren't the best right now for him on his end. He doesn't really let that interfere with us though, which is good... but I don't think I tell him enough just how wonderful I think he is. I love him. He knows I love him, but maybe it'd help if he heard it more. I don't know, I'm just rambling.

I'm a little stressed now, but things will get taken care of. It will all work itself out in the end. I just need to make it to that point! Ha ha. I know I will. I'm as big a fighter as the two toned baby. Later all.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

...I hate the snow...

I have the best car on the planet. I thought it was too weird to give her a human name, so she is called "the two toned baby". When I bought her about 5 years ago, the guy selling her said his wife had hit a deer on the highway. Knowing they were going to sell it anyway, they didn't bother to paint the new hood, they left it how it was. No damage was done to the inside of the car, just the hood. So basically, my car has a green body and a tan hood.

I never bothered to re-paint her at first because I knew it'd be expensive. Now, I have come to love the two toned baby for who she is. She has character, and a sort of "class" all her own. Think about it. If you see me driving down the road, there's no mistaking my car for anyone else's. She's unique. She's a 97 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, and she's definitely a trooper. I've never had any major problems with her. Maybe the brakes one time, but otherwise, nothing. The servive engine light has been on all 5 years that I had her, and nothing ever happened with that. I had one small accident with her about 2 years ago, and the front driver side is dented in parts, but other than needing to get a tire changed, she was still fine. She's a fighter.

Well, day before yesterday I was on my home from work. In Fort Wayne, we have close to a foot of snow on the ground. I was driving slow, and still ended up sliding. I was literally TWO TURNS away from being home. I slid on the snow and at roughly 10-15mph I hit a curb HARD. I felt immediately like something was "off" with it, but my boyfriend said I probably just knocked snow off the tire. It wasn't flat, there were no new dents, and nothing visibly wrong.

Yesterday was my scheduled day off and Will and I did lots of running around, but we took his car, as we usually do. So this morning was my first attempt at driving. At first it seemed okay til I got her onto the main road. Anytime I tried going over 20mph my car would jerk and shake pretty badly, and I had to jerk the wheel just to get it to drive straight. All the jerking probably made me look like a drunk driver. I called work, told them the situation, and drove back home. I wasn't about to try to make the nearly 25 minute drive with it acting that way! But, I made it home, praying the whole way back here. I called my mom, she offered to pay as long as I'd reimburse her, so I called a car shop that she suggested because she and my dad like their work... and they gave me the phone number to a tow truck company they use.

I called about 10am and they said it should arrive in an hour and a half. Well 11:30 came and went. Noon came and went. Finally at 12:30 I called and said hey, where are you guys? I was given a very snotty "accidents come first and you're just gonna have to wait" reply. They said I was next on the list and the guy was on the way but he was clear on the other end of town.

So it's 1:00 and he's STILL not here yet. I was hoping they'd have my car and that it'd be fixed today... but no such luck. Not yet anyway. Will is thinking it's the tie rod. He said that'd be the first thing to get knocked outta whack, and he said the stuff I described sounded like that. He's thinking it should be right around $100+ the cost of towing.

When all is said and done, my girl will come out of this alive. She really truly is a fighter. I just wish the fight was over and she could have won already. She's not even gone yet and I already miss having her! I guess I get to have Will drive me around everywhere. Not that I mind spending the time with him.

Finally, the tow truck is here. So I must be off but I will be back ;)


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

This is Me...

I am slowly but surely joining the rest of the world and giving up my myspace page. One reason I kept it so long has been because of the blog... I figured if I made this one, I wouldn't really need to get on myspace as much anymore.

For those of you who don't already know me, hi!

*My name is Katie.
*I'm 23
*I have been with my boyfriend, Will, since Nov. 26, 2009
*In case you didn't know, that's Thanksgiving Day. I had a lot to be thankful for last year!
*I have a dog, and he is seriously my baby boy. His name is Pharaoh, named after Pharaoh Ramesses the 10th. His middle name is actually Ramesses.
*Will has a dog, Marcy, that I have adopted as my girl, and she is Pharaoh's big sister, despite being 1/9 his size (Marcy weighs 5lbs, Pharaoh weighs 45, but Marcy is older)!!
*I work as a nanny and I love Love LOVE my job!!
*I am in school studying early childhood education (part time). I would love to be a child life specialist, but in case I can't, I will teach with my degree.
*The only non-country music I will EVER listen to, is Lady Gaga and Michael Jackson. Yes, I loved him before his death, ask anyone.
*I am random, I am addicted to Starbucks and flip flops, I have way too many clothes for me to ever be able to even wear, I love to cuddle, I hate cancer, I love to shop even if it's just for groceries, I procrastinate way too much, I don't go to church as often as I should but I know God still loves me, I always have my toe nails painted, and I love Lifetime movies. I also love: hugging, kissing, laughing, loving, and all the other really good things in life!!!