Thursday, June 10, 2010

Ryder

Ryder Andrew Lane Crismore... it means "Manly Knight From the Lane"... a bit odd maybe, but I love it (when finding name meanings you don't have to put them in exact order, rather you put them in order so they make sense. Ryder means knight, Andrew means manly, and Lane is from the lane). Crismore, if I remember correctly, means "Builder for Christ"... so it's like saying he's a manly knight that works for Christ :) He just happens to be from the lane!

I am so absolutely in love with him and cannot wait until he's here. I know everything will be so worth it in the end when I am holding him in my arms. All the problems I have now, all the pain and hurt that is being inflicted on me... he will make it all okay. No, it's not his "job" to do that, as Dr. Phil would be worried about. But I know when I look down and see my son, I won't regret anything. He will make everything wonderful, and the world be wonderful with him in it.

It dawned on me the other day, that it was June 8th and I had 4 months until my due date. That doesn't seem like very long at all. I am anxious to reach my milestone next week of 24 weeks. That is the age of viability and as long as Ryder is born after that, he has a chance. I don't want him making his grand entrance into this world until October when it's time. But if he had to come early, I wouldn't have to worry about him not making it, and that is such a relief to me.

I love my baby boy. Every kick. Every flutter of movement. Ever jab he takes at my bladder that makes me laugh even though it's really not funny...

I am glad I got to "see" him at the ultrasound. I'm glad to know this little guy is healthy, though I don't think I'll be convinced until I hear it from my doctor himself. The ultrasound tech was a bit flaky if you ask me, and I didn't like the way she did things. But I know they can get in trouble for saying too much and they really aren't supposed to say anything... so I get why she was so quiet and focused on everything. But, I was glad she went back and kept checking for the gender cause she knew I wanted to know. This guy was not being super cooperative but he did let us know eventually that's he's a he!

Today's been incredibly rough on me but I don't feel like getting into that a whole lot really. Oddly enough, the one time people expect me to talk and tell all, I don't really feel like talking. I don't wanna talk about it, and I don't plan on doing anything I don't wanna do. I just wanna deal with things and move on from there. Things will work out, they will be okay, they always are. Talking just isn't something I'm interested in right now.

I think I'm off to bed now. I feel like I could sleep for a whole week I'm so exhausted. So it's time for me to go get started on that :)

Have a good one everyone, later.
Katie

PS, in the California judicial election this past Tuesday, JAMES HOSKING WON. Best news EVER. Bye bye Lemkau!!! Hopefully nobody ever has to see or hear from you ever again.

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