Friday, February 26, 2010

Almost Always EATING

Okay, so the way I've been feeling is a little contradictory.
I wake up and until about 2pm I feel so nauseated and unable to eat, that I munch on saltines and drink fluids and kinda feel similar to having a bad hangover. I don't actually puke *not yet anyway* but I think those days are numbered. I want to sooooooooo bad just nothing comes out.
Then after 2 it's like a switch gets flipped and I'm suddenly CONSTANTLY hungry!! Like every 10-15 minutes I need a light snack, interrupted by an occasional meal. My meals aren't AS big as they used to be, but I am eating a lot more with all the snacks.

My boyfriend is coming around, somewhat. I am *cautiously* optimistic. After not hearing from him AT ALL on Thursday, I thought for sure I was gonna be in this alone. But then today we had a long, long, long, long talk. By the end of the conversation he was saying he thinks it's a boy, and that if it IS a girl she's gonna be a tomboy but that it's definitely boy. He said he looks forward to telling his brother and "beating" him at something, because his brother is younger but got married before him. Then later, hours later, we were talking again and I mentioned my fears that I have. That I will do something wrong without knowing it and it'll hurt the baby. He kept telling me everything will be fine and to just chill out. He said he is warming up and even getting excited about the idea of having a baby. But he still wants it to be a boy. Honestly if I could have my pick, I would be with Mom and Sarah and want a girl. But, as long as it's healthy...

It does feel better to be talking to Will again. He told me he misses me and loves me and wants me to come home, but I said I still need my time and space right now and he said that is fine, whatever I need. Before the pregnancy we were arguing quite a bit over DUMB stuff, and I felt the need for a break then... so this is sort of a multi purpose break from him. Not that we've broken up, just that we are taking time off from each other and having some much needed alone time. We did talk about the smaller issues too and tried to reach compromises to make those work too. In the best scenario, we'd be able to stay together and make this work. Not for the baby's sake but for us too. We don't want it to be over. He can never unsay the things he said, I was so terribly hurt by the things he said. Hurt for myself and hurt for our baby. But I honestly do believe he's being sincere that it was a lot for him all at once, it was overwhelming, and probably not the best day for me to tell him. But, what's done is done. We are trying to move on but from a distance. The only way I can see this working right now is for us to basically start "dating" again. Instead of me moving right back home and living there all of a sudden again... I think we'd do better if we had lunches and dinners out and were in public and could spend days together before making the jump to being over there ALL the time again.

Unless one of us changes our mind. I'd like to make it work. I do love Will A LOT. I've only ever loved 3 men in my whole life... and two of them already hurt me pretty bad. He's the third and while he did HURT me, we haven't ended it and with work we can maybe fix it. But he has to prove to me that he means what he says and it will take time. Like I said, I'm not rushing into anything just yet. I want us both to be happy and I want this baby to be happy. I want us to be a family, but if that's not possible, the baby and I will do just fine and we will have all the love in the world.

Okay, so basically, other than morning sickness, that's the only problem I'm facing right now really. I am somewhat tired, but not a whole lot more than what is typical for me.

I picked my "pregnancy theme song" and it is One Day by Matisyahu. Will got me turned onto both him and that song. It's the prettiest song ever, and makes me bawl like a baby. It gives me hope for my baby's future to be living in a world that is better than the one we have now. Maybe that won't be the case, but I can at least hope for it.

I am happy things seem to be going so much better. I am anxious to see Will and sit down with him and talk face to face. But, nothing more than that for right now. Like I said, I just want us all to be happy. I know I can be happy without him, but I'd so love to be happy with him. And since he's sounding like he's coming around, I have hope for us to be happy together too. Anyway... I am rambling now and I need to get off of here and go to BED. Night all.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Oh Baby Baby!!

We're having a baby! Not sure if I could be anymore excited!

Would help if the dad was more excited... he may come around, he may not. Either way, the baby and I will be fine. My family is awesome and super supportive! I can't wait to hold my little one and see what he or she looks like. My sister and Mom already refer to it in the female form cause they want it to be a girl sooooo bad. My girl names since high school has been "Elliana" (Ellie- Ah- Na, NOT like Anna lol)... Ellie for short. So they keep calling it Ellie and everything. It's exciting looking at baby stuff now.

Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks. Already nearly 2 months along! My due date is October 8th, so I'm hoping for it to come 2 days late so it'll be 10/10/10 lol. In scoring systems of most sports, a triple ten score was a perfect performance. So a triple 10 will be like a perfect baby. Not that it won't be absolutely perfect regardless of the day he or she is born... but it'd be cool, wouldn't it?

Going to the mall tonight to look at baby stuff. Not buying anything just yet. Little soon for all of that. But, I like to look :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Blog before bedtime

I am unbelieveably exhausted tonight. Will and I are watching Family Guy. I got lots of cuddles in with Pharaoh, but around 11 he was dozing off to sleep so I put him to bed. He's been out like a light since. Marcy is in the kitchen... so it's just Will and me. We're both on our laptops, so not much communication going on here tonight. I think it's just cause I'm so sleepy!

We had Pizza Hut tonight instead of Raimando's. While Raimando's is comparable to Pizza Hut and just as good AND 1/2 the price (you can get a large for $7), they do not have stuffed crust. I am not sure why, but tonight, I just really wanted stuffed crust. So we got that :)

I really don't have a whole lot to talk about. Nothing too big happened at work. The 3 year old I take care of (still getting used to saying she's 3!!) figured out how to lock her bedroom door. Her lock is on the outside of the door... well she figured out how to lock it, but the problem then was that she closed the door behind her!! So she locked herself in her bedroom, starts crying, and I hear screams of "HELP KATIE!!!! HELP!!!" I run upstairs, let her out, and she's all happy right away, but she does it again 2 more times!

We watched Shrek 2, she requested it... when she asks for Shrek, she wants Shrek 1. But sometimes she asks for Shrek cat, and I know she wants Shrek 2. So we watched that and she was almost passed out on the couch so I convinced her to let me change her and take her up to bed and she was out for the rest of the time that I was there.

I'm still waiting on my school money to post to my bank account. The people said they got my paperwork and that it would take up to 3 business days. I am just hoping for sooner rather than later! I neeeeeeeeeed that car!!!

Welp, I think that will about do it for now. Sorry I wasn't more insightful. But, my brain is fried and I think it's time for some shut eye. Later,

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Valentine's Day

Will gave me probably the best Valentine's Day EVER.

We woke up and exchanged cards and gifts right away.

This is what I got. It's a locket that says "I love you" and has a pink flower on it. We got cleaned up and went car searching but all the car places are closed on Sundays (news to us!). We swung through Wendy's for a quick lunch and he took me to work until 5. After 5 we went to Jefferson Pointe and walked around the mall but it was too cold for the outdoor mall! Ha ha we did stop into Barnes and Noble and get some Starbucks (or was it Borders?). Then we went back to the car and just drove around to kill time.
We saw the movie Valentine's Day at 7:30 but got there about 7 thinking it'd be packed but it really wasn't too bad. Good movie, definitely worth seeing if you haven't already. Since we didn't get to do much for a meal, he asked what I was hungry for after the movie and I said wings... so we went to Hooters (I have them in my phone on speed dial so we called to make sure they'd still be open). After Hooters, we went home and I submitted my school work and we went to bed...
He also got me a single peach colored rose, and some chocolates. The card was beyond sweet, talking all about how he's happy and his skies are bluer and dreams are dreamier all when he's with me. His personal note in the card said he was going to write everything the card said word for word but they stole his ideas, so Happy Valentine's Day". It was really cute.
I got him a card and a knife from Dick's Sporting Goods that he had been eye balling. We both stayed in our price range we had set for each other believe it or not!!! It was a little weird knowing ahead of time what I was getting, but the cards were nice and the movie was great and you can't beat wings so all in all it was a GREAT day!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

My Valentine's Day

I am really, really looking forward to Valentine's Day tomorrow :)

Last year was my first Valentine's Day ever where I wasn't single. But, that guy and I had only been together a month and never said I love you to each other, therefore, shopping for his card and all of that was pretty difficult. This year is so different!

This is my first Valentine's Day with someone that I've actually said I love you to. It was still somewhat hard finding a card, because most of them were for "husband", but I did find one that was beyonddddd sweet.

On the front, it is a light gold color, with a glittery white heart. Inside the heart it says "With all my heart". The inside is short and sweet and to the point. It says "If there were nothing else but our love for each other, I would still have all I need. Happy Valentine's Day".

I haven't written his message in there yet, but I will do that tonight or tomorrow. I am really looking forward to tomorrow with Will. Because I am car-less, we had to get our gifts together today :( I was really hoping it could be a suprise for both of us, but oh well I guess. He got me a beautiful silver locket, in the shape of a heart of course, and it has a pink flower and says "I love you" on it. He also let me pick what I wanted flower-wise, and I got a peach-ish colored flower. I just chose one flower instead of a bouquet because I wanted to make it less expensive for him, especially because I wasn't going to spend as much on him. He also got me chocolates.

I got him the card and a knife that he really wanted from Dick's Sporting Goods. It was $29.99 and our limit for each other was $30, but since he went way over, I didn't mind going over just because of tax lol. He's so excited he wanted to open it tonight, but I told him we had to wait until tomorrow. The only thing we don't know about, are the cards. So that's the one suprise I get, and he gets.

I work from 2-5pm tomorrow, and after work we are getting food and going to see Valentine's Day at 7:30pm. I am making him take me :) It is funny because we've been together since Thanksgiving (and dating since mid October), and this will only be our second movie in the theater we've seen together. The first was on New Year's Day, in Pennsylvania with his family, we saw Couples Retreat. Evidently we're chick flick people ;) I won't argue that.

So I'm still beyond stressed about my lack of car. But hopefully sooner rather than later that can all be taken care of. I just want to be able to drive again!!! I miss it!!! I am still going back and forth in my mind about whether to have Will try and fix The Two Toned Baby, or if I should just put her out of her misery and find a new car. Mom pointed out if I invest that money, and Will can't fix it, I will be out that money plus the money I spend on a new car. So I'm thinking about maybe looking, we'll see. I don't wanna go over $1500 if I do get one. We'll see how it all pans out. I do worry if I get a different car that Will might get offended and think I don't think he can do it, when that's not it at all. It just might be time for me to get something else. God I just hope I get another car I can trust, and not one that will crap out on me right away. That will piss me off. I'm leaning more towards getting another car, but it's still somewhat up in the air.

Well, tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me I think. So, I better draw this entry to a close and head to bed... unless the olympics can actually keep my attention. I can't seem to get into it, despite the fact that I've had a major crush on Apollo Anton Ono since I was like 12. Will knows this, and we still watched it lol. It was funny... anyway, I am off of here for now. I will blog sometime tomorrow or Monday to let ya know how VDay went for me. Later!


Friday, February 12, 2010

...I hate the snow... part 2

Will (boyfriend), thought the car probs might be a tie rod. If it were only that easy... it wouldve cost roughly $100 plus labor and towing costs.

Unfortunately, I did damage to the cradle and all parts tire related it sounded like. They told me I was looking at $1,149... when I bought the car 5 years ago, we only paid $1,400. Sooooo I told the car place we wouldn't be needing their services. We will pay the diagnostic fee, the tow fee, and get it towed back to Will's place. He called around and found all the parts I needed for $275 total. He said he has worked on cradles before and has the tools he needs. Will is going to do the work on the car and it should be good as new, hopefully.

Part of me is okay with needing to find a new car, if I would have to. The other part of me, really loves my car and doesn't think her time is up yet. I KNEW I would fill the gas tank and have something bad happen when she had a full tank of gas in her!

This has all made me feel very tired. I'm constantly anxious and on edge. As if I needed these extra money problems!!

I did have an e-mail from my school though, and I thought I'd get $1,500 back from student loan money. I will actually be getting $1,970. So that's good news! That should take care of everything I need to get dealt with and still leave me plenty to have fun with. I just want to be done with all of this now.

I have school work to do, so I should probably go take care of that now. It'd be nice to have it all done and submitted before I get home from work. Will has been my cheufer (sp?) today and I guess he gets to be for the next... however long I'm car-less. That sucks because I still have to get him his Valentine's Day gift.

I hope he knows how much I appreciate all he does for me. He makes me happy and we have so many good things to look forward to. I know things aren't the best right now for him on his end. He doesn't really let that interfere with us though, which is good... but I don't think I tell him enough just how wonderful I think he is. I love him. He knows I love him, but maybe it'd help if he heard it more. I don't know, I'm just rambling.

I'm a little stressed now, but things will get taken care of. It will all work itself out in the end. I just need to make it to that point! Ha ha. I know I will. I'm as big a fighter as the two toned baby. Later all.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

...I hate the snow...

I have the best car on the planet. I thought it was too weird to give her a human name, so she is called "the two toned baby". When I bought her about 5 years ago, the guy selling her said his wife had hit a deer on the highway. Knowing they were going to sell it anyway, they didn't bother to paint the new hood, they left it how it was. No damage was done to the inside of the car, just the hood. So basically, my car has a green body and a tan hood.

I never bothered to re-paint her at first because I knew it'd be expensive. Now, I have come to love the two toned baby for who she is. She has character, and a sort of "class" all her own. Think about it. If you see me driving down the road, there's no mistaking my car for anyone else's. She's unique. She's a 97 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, and she's definitely a trooper. I've never had any major problems with her. Maybe the brakes one time, but otherwise, nothing. The servive engine light has been on all 5 years that I had her, and nothing ever happened with that. I had one small accident with her about 2 years ago, and the front driver side is dented in parts, but other than needing to get a tire changed, she was still fine. She's a fighter.

Well, day before yesterday I was on my home from work. In Fort Wayne, we have close to a foot of snow on the ground. I was driving slow, and still ended up sliding. I was literally TWO TURNS away from being home. I slid on the snow and at roughly 10-15mph I hit a curb HARD. I felt immediately like something was "off" with it, but my boyfriend said I probably just knocked snow off the tire. It wasn't flat, there were no new dents, and nothing visibly wrong.

Yesterday was my scheduled day off and Will and I did lots of running around, but we took his car, as we usually do. So this morning was my first attempt at driving. At first it seemed okay til I got her onto the main road. Anytime I tried going over 20mph my car would jerk and shake pretty badly, and I had to jerk the wheel just to get it to drive straight. All the jerking probably made me look like a drunk driver. I called work, told them the situation, and drove back home. I wasn't about to try to make the nearly 25 minute drive with it acting that way! But, I made it home, praying the whole way back here. I called my mom, she offered to pay as long as I'd reimburse her, so I called a car shop that she suggested because she and my dad like their work... and they gave me the phone number to a tow truck company they use.

I called about 10am and they said it should arrive in an hour and a half. Well 11:30 came and went. Noon came and went. Finally at 12:30 I called and said hey, where are you guys? I was given a very snotty "accidents come first and you're just gonna have to wait" reply. They said I was next on the list and the guy was on the way but he was clear on the other end of town.

So it's 1:00 and he's STILL not here yet. I was hoping they'd have my car and that it'd be fixed today... but no such luck. Not yet anyway. Will is thinking it's the tie rod. He said that'd be the first thing to get knocked outta whack, and he said the stuff I described sounded like that. He's thinking it should be right around $100+ the cost of towing.

When all is said and done, my girl will come out of this alive. She really truly is a fighter. I just wish the fight was over and she could have won already. She's not even gone yet and I already miss having her! I guess I get to have Will drive me around everywhere. Not that I mind spending the time with him.

Finally, the tow truck is here. So I must be off but I will be back ;)


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

This is Me...

I am slowly but surely joining the rest of the world and giving up my myspace page. One reason I kept it so long has been because of the blog... I figured if I made this one, I wouldn't really need to get on myspace as much anymore.

For those of you who don't already know me, hi!

*My name is Katie.
*I'm 23
*I have been with my boyfriend, Will, since Nov. 26, 2009
*In case you didn't know, that's Thanksgiving Day. I had a lot to be thankful for last year!
*I have a dog, and he is seriously my baby boy. His name is Pharaoh, named after Pharaoh Ramesses the 10th. His middle name is actually Ramesses.
*Will has a dog, Marcy, that I have adopted as my girl, and she is Pharaoh's big sister, despite being 1/9 his size (Marcy weighs 5lbs, Pharaoh weighs 45, but Marcy is older)!!
*I work as a nanny and I love Love LOVE my job!!
*I am in school studying early childhood education (part time). I would love to be a child life specialist, but in case I can't, I will teach with my degree.
*The only non-country music I will EVER listen to, is Lady Gaga and Michael Jackson. Yes, I loved him before his death, ask anyone.
*I am random, I am addicted to Starbucks and flip flops, I have way too many clothes for me to ever be able to even wear, I love to cuddle, I hate cancer, I love to shop even if it's just for groceries, I procrastinate way too much, I don't go to church as often as I should but I know God still loves me, I always have my toe nails painted, and I love Lifetime movies. I also love: hugging, kissing, laughing, loving, and all the other really good things in life!!!