Almost Always EATING

Okay, so the way I've been feeling is a little contradictory.
I wake up and until about 2pm I feel so nauseated and unable to eat, that I munch on saltines and drink fluids and kinda feel similar to having a bad hangover. I don't actually puke *not yet anyway* but I think those days are numbered. I want to sooooooooo bad just nothing comes out.
Then after 2 it's like a switch gets flipped and I'm suddenly CONSTANTLY hungry!! Like every 10-15 minutes I need a light snack, interrupted by an occasional meal. My meals aren't AS big as they used to be, but I am eating a lot more with all the snacks.

My boyfriend is coming around, somewhat. I am *cautiously* optimistic. After not hearing from him AT ALL on Thursday, I thought for sure I was gonna be in this alone. But then today we had a long, long, long, long talk. By the end of the conversation he was saying he thinks it's a boy, and that if it IS a girl she's gonna be a tomboy but that it's definitely boy. He said he looks forward to telling his brother and "beating" him at something, because his brother is younger but got married before him. Then later, hours later, we were talking again and I mentioned my fears that I have. That I will do something wrong without knowing it and it'll hurt the baby. He kept telling me everything will be fine and to just chill out. He said he is warming up and even getting excited about the idea of having a baby. But he still wants it to be a boy. Honestly if I could have my pick, I would be with Mom and Sarah and want a girl. But, as long as it's healthy...

It does feel better to be talking to Will again. He told me he misses me and loves me and wants me to come home, but I said I still need my time and space right now and he said that is fine, whatever I need. Before the pregnancy we were arguing quite a bit over DUMB stuff, and I felt the need for a break then... so this is sort of a multi purpose break from him. Not that we've broken up, just that we are taking time off from each other and having some much needed alone time. We did talk about the smaller issues too and tried to reach compromises to make those work too. In the best scenario, we'd be able to stay together and make this work. Not for the baby's sake but for us too. We don't want it to be over. He can never unsay the things he said, I was so terribly hurt by the things he said. Hurt for myself and hurt for our baby. But I honestly do believe he's being sincere that it was a lot for him all at once, it was overwhelming, and probably not the best day for me to tell him. But, what's done is done. We are trying to move on but from a distance. The only way I can see this working right now is for us to basically start "dating" again. Instead of me moving right back home and living there all of a sudden again... I think we'd do better if we had lunches and dinners out and were in public and could spend days together before making the jump to being over there ALL the time again.

Unless one of us changes our mind. I'd like to make it work. I do love Will A LOT. I've only ever loved 3 men in my whole life... and two of them already hurt me pretty bad. He's the third and while he did HURT me, we haven't ended it and with work we can maybe fix it. But he has to prove to me that he means what he says and it will take time. Like I said, I'm not rushing into anything just yet. I want us both to be happy and I want this baby to be happy. I want us to be a family, but if that's not possible, the baby and I will do just fine and we will have all the love in the world.

Okay, so basically, other than morning sickness, that's the only problem I'm facing right now really. I am somewhat tired, but not a whole lot more than what is typical for me.

I picked my "pregnancy theme song" and it is One Day by Matisyahu. Will got me turned onto both him and that song. It's the prettiest song ever, and makes me bawl like a baby. It gives me hope for my baby's future to be living in a world that is better than the one we have now. Maybe that won't be the case, but I can at least hope for it.

I am happy things seem to be going so much better. I am anxious to see Will and sit down with him and talk face to face. But, nothing more than that for right now. Like I said, I just want us all to be happy. I know I can be happy without him, but I'd so love to be happy with him. And since he's sounding like he's coming around, I have hope for us to be happy together too. Anyway... I am rambling now and I need to get off of here and go to BED. Night all.
Katie